tomorrow is Lola's 9th birthday

[gschellinger]

Jo,

No, I don't think it is kennel cough since she really doesn't go anywhere to catch it. It was so bad for a few days but now is quite a lot better. I don't understand the things she goes through and then gets better with. We are just glad when things seem to, at least temporarily, improve. We think we may release her from her problems in September. I plan to write a letter to her vet, explaining her dependency on us for all her needs, her difficulties and suffering. I hesitate to use that word but she does suffer to some extent. I will never let her suffer without her consent. He said I will know when the time comes. That is suffering w/o her consent, in my opinion. I made an agreement with Lola that I wouldn't let it go like that, when we found out about the ataxia. She loses more of her world progressively, but not her will to go on. Not fair I want him to understand how it is with her. How hard it is and how much she still appears so well in some ways, and so affected in others. Then, when the time comes, it will be easier for him. She is not going to leave this world looking like the last rose of summer.
gail.

[Jo CIMDA]

Hi Gail

I know you have given Lola so many things but dogs can have some cough mixture but you would have to ask your vet about those that are available in the US, also you could try homoeopathic Byronia or Drosea for a cough. With a dog like Lola you can't put a time limit on when to say goodbye.  It will happen when the time is right and she may surprise you yet!

Jo

[gschellinger]

Actually the cough is the least of the worries at the moment. Much better, not gone but not like it was. I hope she hurries up and comes up with that surprise!  I know it must sound cruel to be planning ahead for Lola. It is just another cruel and sinister aspect of hereditary ataxia. The only other person I have ever had an exchange with about ataxia was in an email conversation She had a ten year old who had had it for less time than Lola. He had gotten to the point where he was left home when the others went for a walk. Then one day some of the others bumped him and he fell down a flight of stairs. He suffered multiple broken bones and was euthanised then. How could an ataxia dog get around in a cast or two? So, unless something like that happens, she will continue to deteriorate from ataxia. No one can tell me what it is like if you let them die on their own, because as far as I have discovered they don't die from this. They just become more and more incapacitated. Her vet recently asked me if she has any bladder or bowel problems, which she does not. So I wonder if that happens eventually too.  But, as you say, it is hard to put a limit on her and I don't like to think about it. But I do  I wish I could stop.

[goldiepower]

But, as you say, it is hard to put a limit on her and I don't like to think about it. But I do  I wish I could stop.

Hi Gail

I am sorry, it must be so difficult for you. I do honestly believe that we know when the time comes, you know your dog better than anyone, she will tell you in her own way when she's had enough. Every one of my Goldens has been different but I have always known.

Hang in there, you have given her everything she needs, just continue to enjoy her company and she will tell you when she's done.

Hugs from
Chris & the Golden Boys xx

[annee]

Hi Gail,

Happy belated birthday to lovely little Lola (Sorry, but have been on holiday)

I'm sorry to read she is still having problems, it must be so very hard for you like you say that she is so well in other ways...she certainly keeps you on your toes thats for sure.

She will let you know when shes had enough of her journey but until then "Keep smiling" and big hugs to you both.

xx

[gschellinger]

I try to have faith that I will know. But Lola is so stoic and I wonder all the time how she feels. Now she is developing a small infection on her chest skin. Probably an ingrown hair from all the time she spends in that position, on the floor. I have realized that it isn't unreasonable to think about the end because I need to plan for her. She is under my care and I know best what is going on with her. But if I let myself get too focused on that, then I can't enjoy the time we have left. So I am finding a balance now. Not fighting it now, because to do so makes me think about it more, not less. I do not want to think I waited too long. And for Lola I don't intend to wait until she is totally miserable.

Two nights ago when she shook her head there was a strange gurgling noise. That can't be good.
gail

[shawkyelisabeth]

Gail, Thinking of you and what you are going through...wish you can enjoy every moment with your lovely Lola< try to put aside all your sad thoughts< I am sure Lola loves you so much that she enjoys every moment with you even when she is incapacitated and maybe cannot show it to you like before. Wish you all possible strength Hugs Elisabeth and Stella

[gschellinger]

Elisabeth,

Thanks...We are still enjoying each other's companionship and she isn't yet sleepless, unable to eat, or unable to get around the house. So I am being grateful for that. She can still be a silly girl and threaten the mail carrier. Day by day is the way! When I see people caring for the handicapped I feel like a big complainer. Lola is handicapped but she is happy to be alive yet. So I am happy too. Some days seem dark but over-all we are doing ok. I think I have been in a process of coming to terms with all of it, and letting go. Being unable to help her get better, which I had been able to do in the past, is my problem, which I think I have finally identified. It's one thing to know, but another to really get it.  Understanding goes a long way to making things better
gail