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Author Topic: Im in so much pain  (Read 58 times)

dylanlove

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Im in so much pain
« on: November 29, 2019, 03:23:01 PM »

I feel so awful and hopefully someone will sooth my bad feelings. My poor little boy was pts on Wednesday from probable IMPA. He had a run of events from ruptured cruciate in March, then halfway through hydro in July he became very ill and stopped eating where we found he had ulcers probably from taking metacam. He was taking off drugs and tube fed for two weeks and given meds before he started to eat again. They he returned to hydro for 4 more weeks. This time round his strides were stunted at the front and he winced when she dried him on our last session. His ligament looked great but he was general a little lame. We returned to the vets and they upped his meds. This was med Sept. He continued to look lame but not obvious as to what was going on and he became grumpy about me touching his foot. I took him back to the vets twice about the way we he was holding his back leg and his nails were sticking up. More drugs, change to gabapentin and I was still not happy. Asked for xray to see if anything going on, this was the other rear legs. They found he had a damanged nail bed so the nail was removed and we waited for it to heal while taking and antibiotic called Zodon. At his appointment she noted his gait was odd and it could be neurological. At his check up she gave us more zodon as his toe still looked sore. She was concerned about this pain in that leg as he reacted to her moved him at his hip. His toenail area started to heal but he
was very wobbly by now and drugs were upped again then a week later his appetite went down hill and I was worried about him having an ulcer again. She took him straight off zodon in case it was a reaction and he went back on meds for his tumm y as he was sore. She mentioned his neck maybe sore which is why he was doing little steps on front legs.We took him home and he just got worse and worse and then began to fall over in the garden. When we took him to the vets last week she wanted to put him to sleep due to his pain. He was now trembling and had not eaten well for 2 weeks and asked us to help him get up. he was grumpy when we got him up and stopped wanted to walk. I wanted to let him go due to the pain but I brought him home as my Hubby wanted to say goodbye. We changed our mind against the vets advise and took him to a specialist and they assesed him and the day or two before we took him his belly became bloated. On his assesment they confirmed not neurological and he was assesed again by someone in medicine and another department who suspected IMPA. They needed to check what was going on with his stomach and saw a mass. My vets saw something when he had ulcers but said it look benign and when he had a biopsy they came back ok, just the ulcers.That aside the main issue was inability to walk or want to eat and he was very weak. He was anaemic also . They said they could put him on steroids assuming his scan and biopsy were ok but they did not know if they could get him back on his feet. He would of been 14 in April but he was fit and healthy up to all of this until he got his ulcers. We deleberated about treating him, I wanted to but felt so guilty about putting him through everything and him being so unhappy. He had to be muzzled as he was so angry about then touching and moving him. It was heartbreaking as he was the softest of mini schnauzers. I also felt guilty about guilty however about not treating him. We asked the vets and they all agreed if it were there dog it was kinder to let him go. There was no sucess of getting him mobile again and we would have alot to go through. She feared we would be having the same discussion within a few days. She said we absolutely doing the right thing by saying goodbye and with his age and the severity of his condition he did not leave us with alot of choice. Now I know more about the disease I am starting to feel guilty and that maybe he could of come out of it but then I read about the dogs who are ok for a day and then not. He was already on 3x gabapentin a day, 3x paracetamol and 3 x tramadol and it wasnt touching the pain. He can not have nsaids and one the other treatments possible would take up to 2 weeks to possibly work. Everthing against us and they were concerned they could not get on top on his pain and that he would ever have quality of life. without a shadow of a doubt they said I was chosing the right way yet now I feel so low and guilty I was to break down. I miss him so much and would of done anything for him but his little face said Mum Im struggling and I dont want to be hear....I feel lost, angry, guility, if only it had been picked up sooner, if only I knew what was wrong with him and he could of been treated easier, I didnt need to lose him
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Catherine

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Re: Im in so much pain
« Reply #1 on: November 30, 2019, 10:14:23 AM »

I am not sure there is anything I can say that will help. There rarely seems to be a good way for an animal to die. Even if they "died in their sleep" we do not know if they suffered. Making "the decision" never seems right - either "too soon" or "not soon enough".

You need to grieve but there may be some things that can help. If you genuinely feel that your vet(s) should have known/made a mistake etc. then write them a letter, sticking to the points and telling them how you feel and whether they need to review their procedures. Try not to be confrontational and try to stick to the point. Difficult I know when you are hurting so. I wrote to my vet some years about how my dog was pts.

Also, learning about these dreadful diseases, I feel helps. The more knowledge you have the more you can be in control to a certain degree. Sharing your knowledge with owners with ill dogs, I have found, helps ease the heartache a bit.

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dylanlove

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Re: Im in so much pain
« Reply #2 on: November 30, 2019, 02:47:19 PM »

Thank you...I will be speaking to my vet about the fact it wasnt identified... I went to a specialist in the end who identified the issue of impa...they said he was at the end of the disease and there wasnt alot of options for me. They could treat him as they do most dogs but due to his age ...his reaction to nsaids...stomach ulcers...and the fact he was on 3 lots of drugs already they feared that they would not be able to control his pain well. He also had fluid and enlarged liver by then which not sure why but all in all it was kinder to not put him through everything when he was in so much pain. He had to be muzzled he was so angry about being moved or touched. I couldn't do it too him as he was suffering but that little bit of me wanted to treat him. As all mentioned already the prognosis was not great and they though it would be hard to give him his mobility back and make him happy enough to have quality of life. She feared the dreaded conversation would be here again within a few days . They agreed it was the beat thing to do for him but it was hard to not be selfish and try and keep him going...i miss him so much and would of done all I could if the outcome could have been more positive
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Jo CIMDA

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Re: Im in so much pain
« Reply #3 on: November 30, 2019, 08:30:27 PM »

Hi

I am so sorry to hear your sad story.

There is no easy path we can take when our dogs are so unwell that a decision needs to be made - not for us - but for them.  It is the most unselfish thing you can do, and getting the time  right, I feel,  is the most difficult.  The love we have for our dogs is pure and it comes from the same place whether it be an animal or a beloved human.  It is a huge loss. 

Writing down your concerns, and expressing your pain helps sometimes, as it purges your heart and mind of those negative thoughts and the total frustration of not being in control, and having to make a decision that we just don't want to make.   You did all you could for your boy.  You didn't just accept one vet's opinion, you took him to see a specialist and from what you say, you had no choice.   Letting him go was the ultimate kindness.  He is no longer in pain.   He was a lucky boy to have you care for him throughout his life, so hold on to the lovely memories because in time they will come to the fore and warm your heart, but it does take time.

Our thoughts are with you.

Jo

 
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